My Spiritual Journey

I have been on a spiritual, physical, emotional, and psychological journey my entire life, and especially, my most pinnacle experiences these last 2 years, after so much loss and change in my life.

My journey has taken me all around and back to myself again with greater perspective and gratitude, and awe to the graciousness and power of God.

It has been necessary to pull away and re- evaluate the people I call my friends and family. More importantly, I've had to take a hard look at myself in this process.

I can emphatically relate the to Clash hit "Should I stay or Should I Go". I question the validity now of everyone in my life, especially now. I’m trying to slow down my present awareness a bit so I can make better decisions in real-time to each and every relationship in my life, it’s purpose, value... should I let opportunities go because they don’t feel right, or it is about a higher calling - I’m still learning

When I do reflect the past it is teaching me that slowing down helps me make better decisions

I have had to make some hard decisions to close the door in some relationships, and to take a chance and open the door to others. This again has been a learning process as in my rashness, I have brought to myself more pain and misery by jumping in too fast and not taking necessary steps to protect myself or do what is best for me and my family. This is my balancing act of life, but it’s not an act. It’s really hard sometimes, like cryin out loud hard.

I feel I have a better grasp on how to manage myself, my emotions, my ego, my physical body, my household, my ( as Eckhart tulle would say) episodes of neurotic reactivity to help balance who I am -emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically as they are all one, and should be handled as such.

I’m not there yet with my own ideal of who I want to be and the people who I share all these dreams with, that’s ok too because the point is to strive to be the ideal that God has for me to be, and to live in the here and now because it’s all we have control over. Here and now.

We cannot control the past, we cannot control or manipulate our future, but only by living fully in the present which directly effects them both.

You cannot create happy memories of the past, or achieve the dreams you have for the future but only by living fervently in the present moment, otherwise, regrets creeps in to haunt you from the past, and you get lost in the dreams of the future allowing doubt/ unreality/ to dictate how you work on the present. 

Your present if mishandled can rob your past and future

My daily homework for the rest life is to balance the past and the future by being grounded and an active participant in the present of my life.

I feel freer and happier in life.

I truly know now that I cannot be the version of me to me or to my people, if I don’t take care of myself first. Being my own float tank is crucial- tapping into God the creator is crucial to stay true to my life’s purpose and to understand myself and how I relate and can help others.

It’s way more than being ultimately happy and creating a comfortable life for myself. It’s the ongoing mission impossible of what is my life’s purpose and how can I achieve that to create true happiness on a higher level...in a way I never imagined... let my version go and let’s Gods version take over!

-Dory Tucker

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